Adoption is complicated.

It’s been 6 weeks since we finalized Isabel’s adoption.  DFCS has a policy of not placing any new foster care placements until 6 months after an adoption is finalized.  I may have told DFCS that I thought this was a lame policy, particularly since we haven’t had any foster placements in what seems like FOREVER.  (The policy isn’t mandatory and we could request to be open for placements, but I’ve kind of told them that unless they have a specific age/sex, to not call for now.)

So 6 weeks post-adoption, I am beginning to understand why they have this policy in place.  Although logically I understand that she is mine, psychologically I am not completely there yet.  If she scrapes her knee, my instinct is to contact her case manager (her case is closed!  There is no longer any case! LOL)

I find myself walking a fine line with some of the bio family. Last week, photos of our daughter were sent to the biological mother.  This was very distressing to us and made us feel very violated – because although we do currently choose to maintain some form of contact with her, we do not ever send her very recent pictures because of the risk of abduction.  It was like a kick in the stomach to see those photos posted on Facebook – with her birth name attached.  It feels like from certain people, there is no respect for us as Isabel’s parents.  It’s like she is somehow “the village’s child” – and while I recognize and desire for her to grow up having biological ties, SHE IS MY DAUGHTER.

A couple of friends have advised us to cut off contact with the family.  I can’t do this because we have a good relationship with most of the family and they DO respect us as Isabel’s parents.  I love these people and I don’t want to hurt them in any way.

Adoption is such a complicated mess of emotions.  On one hand, I’ve loved and accepted this child as my own from day one.  But on the other hand, she is legally mine now – my name is on her birth certificate!

I think I need to pray about the level of contact that we are having with BM and this other family member.  It may be that we need to reduce it for a while, until we’ve had more of a “bonding period” (as DFCS calls it).  I have no intention of cutting off contact because I don’t think that is in Isabel’s best interest.

Any wise adoptive parents have any words of wisdom?  Am I a total freak or are these natural feelings?



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