Turning the Page…

On Monday, TPR (termination of parental rights) was granted for Baby Girl.

Last night, I typed a long tirade.  I was shocked at myself.  I have tried to be so empathetic towards this mom.  I have cried over her situation.  I expected to feel this way in court.  I stuffed a bunch of tissues in my purse beforehand.

It was quite shocking to come out of court completely numb.  For one thing, the trial wasn’t supposed to be until tomorrow.  We found out Friday it was moved to Monday.  For another, we had been told the judge always takes it “under advisement” and puts his decision in the mail.  So when we heard “I find there is overwhelming evidence that it is in the child’s best interest that the petition be granted”, I was stunned.

I was even MORE shocked to find that last night, I was LIVID with the mom.  Where was this coming from?  I was shaking and so angry!!   I posted on a foster parent support site and asked if I was an awful person for feeling this way.  I had expected to be overwhelmed with sadness for her and the baby.  Instead, I was just ticked off!  The other foster parents assured me that this was a totally normal response.  After all, I’ve had to remain under control and stuff my feelings for 16 months as we rode an emotional roller coaster.  (Even in May, we believed she was being sent to a relative in another state and until late June, there was a chance she would be moved out of the country to different relatives.)  Last night, it all spilled over.  I am thankful that those feelings only lasted a couple of hours.  Today, I am feeling calm and I’m not angry, even though the mom cancelled her goodbye visit that is scheduled for tomorrow… 😦

It is almost unbelievable to me that in a few months, this sweet girl will REALLY be ours.  She has been ours in our hearts since we got her, but we’ve had to kind of hold back and protect ourselves in case she left.  She gets to be a part of our family forever!  What a blessing she is to our home!

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