Made New

Last night, my mother was interviewed on a local cable tv show called “Atlanta LIVE” about her book that was recently published.  It is a memoir of her life, which means it is also a memoir of my childhood…

My childhood was a mess.  My mother was victimized by her father from the age of 12 until I was 18 months old.  My parents’ marriage was a constant battlefield.  Mom had her side “man habit” that she couldn’t break and whether she directly confided in me or I overheard all of the accounts of her latest conquests, I don’t remember.  I just know that from a very young age, I knew what my mom was up to and I did everything in my power to keep her from continuing down the path of destruction that she had decided to walk.  I remember crying myself to sleep so many nights, knowing what she had gone to do.  I remember the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, as she’d drop me off at a friend’s house and go out.  My emotional response was so visceral.  It made me want to throw up.  WHY WHY WHY couldn’t she choose me?  Meanwhile, it seemed as though I was never good enough for my dad.  I tried to be perfect – so that he would love me enough to have a relationship with me and so that she would love me enough to stop her immoral lifestyle.  I prayed and pleaded with God for many years…

Reading the various rough drafts of my mom’s book took me back to that time.  It reminded me of how life had been for us.  And watching the interview last night made me realize how thankful I am that God was able to finally get ahold of her.  Her life today is completely unrecognizable from the life she lived.  God took her heart of stone and gave her a heart of flesh.  She has been faithfully married to my step-dad since 1995.  She is a wonderful grandmother.  And she is my friend.  She has grown and matured spiritually and has become a woman that I can respect.  It is somewhat difficult to hand my role over – my role as the mother in the relationship.  When she does something differently than I would do it, I have to catch myself and reign in my critical opinions.  She is her own woman – not a reflection of me.  God has called her to tell her story and her story is reaching others and making an impact.  It is bringing our Father glory – and that is what we are here to do, after all.

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