Four years ago today…

 

At 5am, I had contractions strong enough to wake me up.  (I had been having false labor for five days…)  At 7:00, a contraction caused me to double over and cry.  I called the help nurse.  At 7:30am, she called me back and told me to get to L&D.  I hadn’t woke Earl or Mom up yet.  We scrambled to get a friend to cover breakfast for guests at the inn and left for the hospital at 8.  Didn’t get there until 9, due to traffic. 

I was 4cm dilated and they admitted me.  The next three hours were not my favorite on record.  It took four sticks (and a nurse anesthesist) to get my IV in (I was group B strep positive and had to have antibiotics started.)  The nurse couldn’t get my contractions to register on the monitor and she kept saying I wasn’t contracting.  Eventually another nurse started internal monitoring and we could see each contraction on the monitor.  I remember wanting to strangle the bad nurse when she started my IV on 100% refrigerated antibiotic.  My arm felt like ice and I thought I was going to die.  I finally got my epidural at noon – not because of them waiting on my progress, but due to holdups with my bloodwork and IV.  FUN!  My water broke just before I got the epidural and I was at 5cm.
After the epidural, I was comfortable and was able to rest.  I had been fighting each contraction so I think by relaxing, my body was finally able to progress.  They did not do any checks on me again until 3:50pm.  The midwife said that if I was at 7cm, they would be pleased.  So when she asked me how I felt about pushing, I was caught off guard!  I began pushing at 3:52 I believe and Alyssa was born at 3:59, after 9 contractions of pushing.  I still wonder how long I was completely dilated!  It had to be a long time, with each contraction pushing her lower – and making my job a whole lot easier.
Alyssa was handed to me and I remember looking at her and thinking she looked exactly like Earl.  I was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and fear and didn’t know why I didn’t feel immediate attachment to her.  I remember asking myself  “What now?  What have I done?” LOL

We left the hospital 23 hours later.  I cried on the way out.  Alyssa kept choking in the hospital and turning blue and I was terrified that I would no longer have a button to push and call the nurse.  I thought for sure she would die during her infancy due to my inadequacy.

I believe it was three or four nights later, during a 3am feeding, that I was watching Alyssa and absolutely fell in love.  All of that maternal instinct finally kicked in (probably on time – she had been born a week before her due date!)  I still feel that way about her today.  Just thinking about how much I adore that little girl makes me tear up.
She turned four today.  How much she has grown!  From 6 lbs, 10 oz, and 21.5 inches long – to 31.5 lbs and 40.5 inches!  From a wide-eyed newborn to an active, playful, imaginitive, and sweet little girl.  I hope she stays sweet like this.  I can never get enough hugs and kisses.

We celebrated with an ice-cream cake and presents.  She was excited to be the Birthday Girl.  Daddy helped her blow out her candles and I took pictures.  Just as I was once in denial about being pregnant, being in labor, and being a mother – I am now in denial that my little baby could possibly be a big four years old!  Yet I’m excited about the girl she is becoming.  I am enjoying teaching her about her world and our God.  I can’t wait to see what God makes of her life and how he uses her sweet spirit (minus the tantrums!  LOL)

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